Tagged

I've been tagged! I must admit to preferring Kiss Chase but here goes.......

*What side of the heart do you draw first?
The left. My notebooks are littered with them. Must be a romantic.

*Can you dive without plugging your nose?
I can, yes.

*What color is your phone?
Grey, how boring.

*Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
My husband or failing that, Louis Theroux (I like em weird)

*Where are you right now?
Home, spinning on my office chair.

*How do you feel about carrots?
Ok, prefer green beans though.

*How many chairs at the dining room table?
6 but would like 8.

*Who is the best Spice Girl?
Posh

*Do you know what time it is?
Don't need to today.

*What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
Touch myself. It's not a glass one is it?

*What is your favorite kind of gum?
Not keen.

*T or F: All is fair in love and war?
False

*Do you use words that you don't know the meaning to?
No, because then you sound like a prat.

*Do you like to sleep?
Mmm yes, then wake, have sex, eat, sleep again, have sex.............

*Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Savings?
Not a clue.

*Do you know the song Sugar We're Goin' Down?
Don't know that either.

*Do you want a bright yellow '06 mustang?
Nah, i love my car, its my pride and joy and so, er, Grrrrrrrrr.......

*What's something you've always wanted?
A 1950's kitchen.

*Do you wear a lot of black?
I love colour too much to do that. Plus i'm pale so tend to look like i've just been dug up in black.

*Describe your hair.
Blond and i'm naturally dumb.

*Are you an adult?
Yes, but inside i still feel the same as i've always done.

*Who is/are your best friends?
People i thank my lucky stars for.

*Do you have a tan?
No. I avoid getting one. Pale and interesting! Well, maybe not.

*Are you a television addict?
Not really but Frasier is my weakness.

*Do you enjoy spending time with your mom?
Yes and No. She gets on your nerves sometimes.

*Are you a sugar freak?
Take 1 spoon in my tea, and there is nothing like cadburys chocolate.

*What is your favorite movie?
A Touch of Class starring George Segal and Glenda Jackson. I ADORE this film. Heartbreaking.

*What's your sign?
Aquarius - Eccentric and aloof apparently.

*Where do you wish you were right now?
Positano at the hotel Il San Pietro. A wonderful, special place.

*Who did you copy this from?
La fille mariee.

*How do you know them?
I read her lovely blog.

*Would you have sex with them?
She has a lovely cleavage, so that would be a yes :)

Who to tag......don't think they've been got yet...
Lady in Red and Kahless. (sorry guys, really sorry)

A Nice Feeling

There are lots of things that make me feel extremes of emotion.
For a long time i thought that was wrong, to get so moved by someone/something that it brings tears, sleepless nights or overwhelming love. It runs in the family (my Dad cries at beautiful music) and i grew up watching him being affected by various things that happened in our lives. Getting moody, needing time alone or crying watching his grandchildren.

I always thought being like him made me slightly 'not right'. I saw how my Mum would become exasperated by what she thought of as overreactions. Maybe fighting against it is what made me so unhappy. Trying to breeze through life, well it's just not possible or, as i have discovered, something to strive for.

I like that my Dad and i cry at music. Isn't it amazing when you hear something that you identify with? A melody that transports you to a place in your past, painful or otherwise. Don't you love it when you see a film and it creeps under your skin so you can't stop thinking about it?

I adore the excitement i feel at something i've wanted becoming real - the funny feeling in my throat and the flippy upside down reaction of my heart. I want to be capable of feeling that always.
I can't get enough of the head spin i get when i'm so turned on that every single nerve in my body is on fire. Electricity running through veins and my mind barely belonging to me anymore.

So what i'm trying to say is that i'm content. Not bored, not trying to fit in or simply exist but at ease with things as they are. And it's a nice feeling that i'm really hoping lasts.

What To Do

From September things are going to be a bit different for me. Both children will be at school. Don't get me wrong, i love being with my babies but there are only so many years a girl can spend playing with small plastic figures and doing the same old dog-eared Postman Pat puzzle.

'What are you going to do with yourself?', people keep asking me.

I'm making a list..............

* Redecorate my house - i'm capable of a bit of D.I.Y. which leads neatly on to...
* Masturbate - yes, i'm going to spend some time pleasuring myself any time i feel the need. I'm
going to watch porn as soon as i've dropped off at school and try out lots of sex toys that i
intend to purchase.
* Spend more time doing my voluntary job - the people i work with are inspiring and it makes me
feel worthwhile. It helped me through a really bad patch early this year so i owe it to them.
* Get a full body massage - NOT that sort of massage you dirty minded lot! Although.....
I have always wanted one as i'm quite a tense person, relaxing doesn't always come easy to
me.
* Paint - I could get quite emotional talking about this because sometimes it's at the heart of
what drives me. It is a struggle for me to actually get my materials out. It's a low opinion
thing. No excuses this time because J says he will try and sell them for me.
* Have fun being just me again
* Be a better mother, refreshed by time without them.

And that's about it really. There are one or two other plans i have but you will have to wait to hear about those...........

A List

LOVE IS......

genuine smiles
open arms
sleeping wrapped up in one another
little notes under pillows
a mint aero in the fridge
indulging in a fantasy
kisses on sleepy eyelids
being silly
taking the children swimming so i don't have to
letting you lie in
fetching you a beer while you work
being best friends
making me a C.D.
pleasing each other
in my heart.

LOVE IS......

gut twisting

overwhelming

all consuming

too much for me today

desperate

wanting

needing

hurting

aching

always searching

always following

smashing up the remote control

driving away fast

silent tears in the night

wordless sex

crushing

intense

missing you so much it makes me ill

a fist around my heart.

My head hurts

I'm trying to think of a clever way to start this post but i can't. Could be because of my hangover and the fact that i was up till 1am eating crisps to soak up the alcohol. J was drinking something bizarre brought back from someones holiday from a tealight holder. This gives some indication of the size of our hangover.

Before i got too drunk to make any sense i had been trying to explain to J what i like so much about blogging (yes,we've been communicating much better and it's good, really good).
This is how i put it.

Everything is back to front. Where else do you know a persons secret thought, a private emotion before anything else? There is no 'hello how do you do? What line of work are you in then?'
There are few barriers to getting straight to the heart of the matter. You don't have to weigh up whether or not someone might be on your wavelength. BAM, you just put it out there. And i love that.

Something else that i keep thinking about is how i don't know what you look like nor you me. I've got some ideas from photos or incidental descriptions but a lot of it is made up in my head. I know some of you meet but it wasn't looks that attracted you to each other in the first place, it was words. And god that gets me going.

I hadn't realised quite how much i use the way i look to express myself. Not just clothes, hair, make-up but body language. I'm not crazy about all these 'mwah mwah' types but i do like to hold my friends arm when she is sad or take someones hand in mine to show i understand. I'm really trying hard to show my feelings with words.

You all know that already so sorry for writing about the lovely secret you have shared together for however long you've been part of this. I'm just happy to be here that's all.

Reason

Last night i was on the computer, frantically trying to finish off reading, commenting (you know how it is, one comment leads to another) before J went to sleep. Forcing myself to sign out, i turned off the lights, hopped upstairs and set the alarm. The bedside lights were off, damn, he was already gone, wrapped in duvet, breathing slowly.

I climbed into my side of the bed and lay there. Just lay there, bored. I was hoping for some cuddling, maybe more. O.K. at this point really i wanted sex and he was ASLEEP.

OPTION 1 - Touch myself. Already was, no use. I needed a man.
OPTION 2 - Wake him. Too risky, could cause severe grumpiness.
OPTION 3 - chosen option.

I lifted the covers and shuffled under. His sleepy body was so warm. I wrapped my mouth around his soft cock and explored with my tongue. Sucking hard, sometimes soft, licking under his foreskin, all over. In a minute he was hard. He shifted, moaning in his semi-wakeful state. Faster, harder, my tongue circling the head, sucking, licking, lapping and taking him deep, wrapping my lips around him.

I was enjoying this on so many levels.
The wonderful sensation in my mouth, luscious.
The power and sneakiness of getting what i want.
The increasing wetness between my legs.
He came, making little noise but filling my mouth with his hot liquid. Strangely that was enough and i too fell asleep.

At 2 am i woke. Hot, so hot. The room seemed airless. I eventually rolled out of bed and opened the window wide. The cool air met my naked body as i leaned out into the night. Looking up i saw a sky full of stars and thought of what i read earlier by The Man, His Life and His Secrets. There seemed little light pollution in our village tonight and amongst the millions there was Orion and i smiled because of what had been said about us not being all important. There i was smiling in the dark because from now i have a reason to be less alone under these stars.

Thank You.

Playground

This morning i dropped my girl at Summer School and me and my boy went to the playground. It's a horrid little place, broken glass scattered all over, graffiti already scratched in the freshly painted slide. Stupid words proclaiming such-a-body is gay or a slag. Lots of dog poo.

Now we live in quite a nice area, lots of people think it's 'posh' but this bit really isn't. So i'm looking at the trees, the morning blue sky, the aeroplane above us. Thinking about all the families in their matching tracksuits going for their two weeks of sun. I'm looking at the houses opposite with their net curtains and manicured lawns. The lines of bright marigolds and bizzie lizzies. The hanging basket someone forgot to water.

It's making me feel trapped. I want to shout, 'Hello? Excuse me, hello? Does anyone know how i got here?'

It's not that i think i'm above these people, far from it, maybe i wish i was part of it, maybe inside they are as fucked up as the people in the next house. I just feel so out of it, isolated, alone.

I watch my boy. He has his tummy on the swing seat and is turning round and round, twisting the chains on the swing till they nearly touch his head. Then he lifts his feet off the ground and spins wildly until the chains become separate once more, madly jolting him this way and that. He looks up at me and grins, slightly dizzy and crazed from the juddery ride.

I want that. A turn at being crazy. A break from normality. Who wants to just sit on the swing? Sure sometimes that's all you want but not me. Not now. I want to spin till its blurred.
My boy was in this grotty excuse for a playground but he still found a way to rock his little world.

Take me by the hand and lets go there, to where it all blurred and you feel things you've never felt before. Link your arm through mine and we'll run there. Come on!

And when we get back we can just sit on the swings if that's what you still want to do.

Connection

He took her hand in his, stroking it with his thumb to steady her nerves. They rose from the table, leaving their drinks hardly touched. They had talked, barely listening as they searched each others faces. Staring into eyes, following the outline of lips. Her heart beat fast as they climbed the thickly carpeted stairs. A couple passed by them, laughing, smiling. He held her close, his hand resting lightly on her waist. He could feel her soft curves through the thin fabric. She could feel his fingers pressing into her skin. An excitement rising from her stomach to her throat, a tensing between her legs.

At the door they turned to face each other. With her face in his hands, he kissed her, tasting her. She breathed in his scent biting his bottom lip. He hunted for the door handle, pushing it open with the second attempt. Their lips were still exploring each other, kissing jawlines, tasting necks as they fell into the room.

Standing at the end of the bed they stopped, laughing together like children. He stroked her pale cheek with the back of his hand and she smiled showing her willingness to be taken.

He undressed her down to her bra and knickers, kissing her nipples through the flimsy material and feeling them grow harder in his mouth. She pulled down her knickers and lay on the bed, spreading her legs wide apart. She was smooth and pale and pink. Propped up on her elbows she watched him as he stared at her. He was still fully clothed and the vulnerability she felt at her nakedness aroused her further. She trusted him without knowing him.

Leaning over the bed his tongue gently separated her lips, tasting just a little. Then firm strokes from cunt to clit, stopping just before he reached her hard bud.
He wanted to please her so badly. Despite her inexperience and obvious enjoyment he still performed his best, listening to her body. Slowing and speeding up his licks until she came, her juices running over his tongue, his hands holding her legs apart as they fought against him, muscles tight, contracting.

He loved that he could bring her such intensity and with his heart bursting with passion he frantically kissed her, his wet face all over hers, panting, sucking.
His clothes quickly discarded he lay on top of her, his cock twitching between her legs, touching her thighs, rubbing against her wet pussy.

She couldn't wait and pushed herself onto him, deliciously gripping his shaft. Utter relief as he filled her with his expanding width making her feel complete. A frantic fuck, expressing more than words ever could. Hands everywhere, trying to get closer than physically possible. Trying to show the connection they felt coursing through their veins by thrusting harder, deeper; wrapping arms and legs around buttocks, calves, shoulders, necks.

They both groaned loudly as he spurted come all over her smooth mound and stomach. They lay together, his sticky come between them, enjoying the freedom this togetherness had created.

Don't post when mad

I have just read again what i posted earlier. Yes, it's pathetic and infantile. I was cross, really angry and hurt by the cruel things that had been said. I'm not going to get rid of it because it is how i felt at the time.

Story

Once there was a girl
Once there was a boy
The girl adored the boy, spent her time trying to please him because that pleased her.
One day the girl grew wings and wanted to fly.
The boy clipped her wings.
He didn't understand she only wanted to spread them, not fly away forever.
Now she dreams of nothing else.

Trust

J was reading my blog yesterday. He says he's not sure if he understands it all and that some of the things i write scare him.
It's not the girl fantasy stuff or the descriptions of what i want to do with him. They turn him on. It's the posts like 'Butterflies'

When i started this blog it was supposed to be about the sex J and i have. I suppose it was naive to think that's all it would be. I couldn't help but empty my head of all my other thoughts, especially when i read other people's blogs and their writing moves me so much. It makes me feel less alone.

The things that scare J are the 'mental bits' as he calls them. He says he doesn't know that person and he worries. He worries where i'll end up and that he isn't enough for me. He is such an amazing person. Kind, hardworking, loving, sexy and he takes care of us. I'm sorry i cause him such worry. It was never my intention to upset him. I've always been this person, i guess no one really gets to know what is in your head till you publish it.

I do feel strange when i see him at the computer reading my mind. I blush, i know i do and i sometimes wish it was private. I want his approval and when he is unsure he says very little, leaving me to wonder what he thinks, the person whose opinion matters most.

Sorry my lovely, lovely husband. Please, please trust me.

Missed Opportunity? (part 1 -real)

When my friend and i went out the other night we got very wet. And not in a good way.

The rain was torrential. Our clothes were saturated and clung to our mud splashed legs. Our shoes were squelching. It was bad.
What was worse was the fact that 5 minutes before leaving the house i had fake tanned my legs. Nothing crazy you understand. Just subtle, to take the edge off and to make them match the colour of my arms.

I now have permanent rain splashed legs and have been wearing trousers ever since which i don't like as i'm normally a dress wearer. Sigh.

Anyway what this is really about is the fact that i think i may have missed an opportunity.
By now you might know that i am bi-curious.Actually, I hate that label, i like to think of sexuality as a spectrum. Sometimes you are nearer one end than the other, that's all.
So, as i was saying, i think a girl made a pass at me.
My friend and i were walking around this shop (we were at an opening night party, darlings) cocktail in hand when i felt a hand stroke the back of my neck. I turned round expecting to see someone i knew.

'Can i just tell you i love your dress? You look lovely in it.' She smiled a huge smile as i shyly said 'Oh, er, thank you!' and off i went.

I am stupid!
The thing is that it didn't occur to me that she fancied me. Stuff like that just doesn't happen, or does it? She was beautiful too. Coffee coloured skin and an amazing mouth. There was nothing i could do about it. My friend doesn't know about my little secret and i'm not sure how she would react. If i'd been alone i would have gone back and spoken to her (once i had computed what had just happened). Who knows, that could have been what i've been waiting for. For now i'll just have to imagine.......

Butterflies

Standing in the shower i escape. I let the water gush over my head so my ears are covered with water. You can't hear anything, it's bliss. Seconds, minutes even, can slip by before i remember that a small person may want me or i think of some of the tasks for that day.

While i'm in my watery world i'm just n.

Today i had a sort of nervous feeling, or was it excitement? I'm not sure but it felt and still feels like i have butterflies beating their wings against my heart, nudging me to feel something, encouraging and daring me to let emotion take over.

I read something the other day that elated me. The way in which the writer captured what i feel, what i've been thinking caused waves of relief to wash over me and i cried.

(Excuse the next bit of writing for being a bit rambling, it just needs to come out of my head.)

I just want to grab life and love with both hands, bundle it in my handbag and go.
Please listen to the passion i am capable of, push me to my limits
UNDERSTAND
and let me understand you. Think of me as i do you. All that is in your heart, your mind, i want to drink and soak it all up.
Eyes fixed, soul wrapped around soul.
A tangle of arms, legs, love and complete trust, even though we don't know it all, maybe never will.
I'll trust because of what we already have seen, felt.
Adore all my quirks, let me delight at yours. Vulnerability exposed and washed away in a single breath.
Talk, discover we are the same, discover we are different.
Talk and kiss and explore and fuck and kiss and stroke and be in my head.
Be there and so will i.

What i am Thinking

A few days ago, J did something that has got me a little excited.....

It started off as a bit of fun, a tease even. I can't remember what i did to deserve it now because all i can think of is the sensation between my legs brought on by a rather firm smack on my arse.
This is what i am thinking........

Take me by the hand
Don't say a word. Let your eyes do the talking.
Upstairs. To the bedroom.
Your tight grasp and certain gaze will keep me from speaking.
Take off my clothes, slowly, item by item.
Sit me on the corner of the bed.
I'll see the cuffs and blindfold lined up and you won't falter as you bind my wrists behind my back.

Position me on my knees in the centre of the bed.
You will be staring right at me as you cover my eyes in leather and i'll feel nervous, excited.
Every nerve in my body will be twitching with anticipation.
As you push me face down on the bed i'll be so wet for you, between my thighs and dripping on the sheets.

Your hard cock will push deep, deep inside me and as i groan you'll smack me hard across my bottom and i'll come and feel so alive as i gush all over you, soaking our legs and the covers.
Harder, faster, deeper, further you'll fuck me, smacking my arse harder and harder until your come spurts over the hand prints on my cheeks.
You'll leave me stinging, smarting, hurting; wrung out from your body and what it has done.

Release

I really needed a release. Everything has been getting to me this weekend. I know the triggers and i try to avoid them but sometimes that horrid black cloud hunts me down no matter how fast i run.

It was my permanent sidekick for a long time but since Easter life has been 100% improved for me and my close family. I say close family because i am a master of disguise and cleverly, or stupidly, you decide, hid it from everyone else.

So it's been hovering nearby this weekend, making me quiet and a bit snappy with the kids. (Sorry my babies, i love you both so much and i hope you don't remember me for this.) Most likely it will be gone tomorrow, 25mg of Citalopram stop it from lingering too long. There are lots of things i could do.....
Paint - can't be bothered to prime a canvas
Clean out cupboards - I'll admit to being a bit of a Monica
Bake - not hungry (a result of the cloud)
Wank......YES! That is what i want to do!

So while J slept, exhausted from work, i fetched my vibe from my knicker drawer.
I licked my fingers and wet my clit. Pressed the button and applied pressure. Up 2 settings (Number 2 does sweet FA for me) and i begin to relax. My hips moved forward and back. Forward and back.
My free hand grabbed at my breast, teasing my nipple with my finger tips.
Up to the last setting. I gasp and arch my back. It all feels good but i search for the ultimate. Tiny movements, desperate to find the place that makes the soles of my feet burn, the muscles in my calves as hard as rock and my thoughts blur.

Fuck, this was frustrating.
Think, think. Another girl touching my tits, her head between my legs, licking, tasting. Oh yeah i was going to come but i needed to make a lot of noise (which is what i do when i'm playing alone). I was deep in this fantasy and wanted to breathlessly pant instructions to my imaginary lover. It takes me right to the edge and crashing over the cliff to do this and J's sleeping body was inhibiting me.
Aaah!
It wouldn't have been a problem if he had been watching me, masturbating, but the fact that he would have been woken by my bi-sexual rantings made me feel embarrassed. What did i do?
I said it really quietly which was of no use.
So i've still not had my release..............

Wanted

I lay on the floor, knowing my dress barely covered my arse. I had removed my knickers some time earlier.
I waited.
He flicked through the music channels. I tilted my hips and waited some more.
I rolled over on my back and spread my legs wide. And waited.
'I can see 3 holes i could put my cock in' he said.
I grinned. 'Why don't you then?'
'Because i'm not as highly sexed as you and its not like i don't get it often enough. But i do want you'

Maybe he was a little tired or a bit drunk. Or just not in the mood.
He has always been the same, i don't know why this occasional reaction surprises me or why it hurts so much.
I wanted my lips to be stroked, licked. To have my hips pressed into the floor as he straddled me.I wanted lust, passion, a body slamming fuck because he couldn't wait a second longer to have me. I wanted to be wanted.

Carpet Burn

I can't seem to focus on today's activities. Activities with the kids, family BBQ, all nice things but i sort of feel like just being me, in my house, alone. There are lots of thoughts going round and round my head and i crave a little time to process them. Today as always i am wife and mother which, don't get me wrong, i want and love to be, its just difficult to be good one when i feel like this. Then i feel guilty. Prison with no walls, actually that is a bit extreme but you get the idea!

Secrets and lies, emissions of truth. Everybody has them, tells them. The older i get, the more married people i know, the complexities of it all become the norm. Secret smiles, hidden calls and confessions to the closest friends. Is that what its always been like and i was wearing rose tinted glasses? It doesn't disillusion me, i accept it. When i was a teenager, full of angst and obsession with a variety of highly unsuitable boys, i thought that when you were a grown up it became clear. Marriage, kids, happily ever after. Simple. Now i am that grown up, it is anything but simple. Perversely, that is how i like it.

Another reason i am finding it difficult to relax today is the painful carpet burn on my back, the result of last nights frantic fuck. Was it worth it? Of course.

Neglecting his Needs

J is away, working so hard at the moment and i've been very demanding on the sex front. Not a bad thing you might say but i may have been neglecting his needs a little, concentrating on my own.
I've got plans for his return tonight and i can't wait to give him the attention he deserves....

I'll take the bag from your shoulder and place soft, warm kisses on your pretty mouth. Let my lips brush over your tired lids and feel you relax into the love i feel for you.
I appreciate all that you do for us, for me.
Let me show you how i adore you.

A warm embrace, becoming something more, breathing louder, quicker. Searching kisses, tongues touching.
I will kiss you deeply, pulling you so close, feeling your hardness digging into me.
Unfasten buttons, undo zips, drop clothes to the floor.
Kiss the shoulders that carry the responsibility, run my hands over your chest.
Sit you down, drop to my knees.

Cover your thighs with little kisses.
Gently take your balls in my mouth and suck.
Firm tongue from base to head where i'll taste you, rising just to share your salty wetness.
Lick you again, feeling how swollen you have become, enjoying your moans, knowing i can make you feel so good.

Turn away from you and lower myself on your cock, you'll hold my hips, my arse as i rise and fall.
Juices will run down your shaft and cover your balls and you'll know how i want you, all of you.
I'll move faster, with long strokes up and down till you explode inside me.
I love you, i love you,i love you .

The Power of a Woman

I recently read a fabulous post by Cytherea about the power of a woman and where that power comes from. Her male friend suggested that it was all about pussy and the ability to withhold it. She however, hoped that it is connected to intelligence as well as sex.
This got me thinking about the way i try to exert my power on others. Actually, that makes me sound like a crazed freak, what i mean is more about subtly influencing people.

I am a sexual person. I feel in touch with my body, the way it moves when i walk and how this can be perceived. I know how to stand so my arse looks its best and how to angle my shoulders and neck to make me look as tall and elegant as possible. When i flirt i like to seem unobtainable, you know, a bit mysterious. And i suppose that makes a nod to the withholding pussy theory, albeit unintentional. I thought it was all about seeming sexy.

I try to balance things ie: short skirt and long sleeved top no cleavage OR low cut top with trousers. Don't give it all away in one go. Do i want to be looked at? Hell yes! But i (weirdly) enjoy using the effect to my advantage if and where i can. It isn't always about tits and ass but eyes, smiles, even the tone of your voice and i have to admit getting a kick out of it. This isn't about the means to misbehave or to cruelly tease others, i just believe in getting the best from every situation.

I adore clothes, the variety of fabrics and how they feel or emphasize certain parts of my body. I take such pleasure in assembling an outfit. I choose to suit the occasion and my mood. I do this as it is something i enjoy, not directly to get attention.

Smile at someone as you pass them in the street, warmly make conversation at the till in a shop and my big thing, compliment someone when they deserve it. If i notice something good about a person, i tell them. Don't just think it, say it!
Maybe it is something to do with my own lack of self esteem, the reason i do this. I don't want anyone to feel as crappy about myself as i have and still do sometimes. Lots of times.

The chemistry between men and woman and the power they have over each other remains confusing and mysterious to me. I have been fortunate enough never to have experienced these powers being used in a truly negative or violent way, but i know this happens. Sometimes a man can crush any authority i had simply by ignoring me, god knows what it feels like to be mentally or physically abused.

For now i will continue to use my sexuality - it is part of who i am and i rather like it. This evening i am going out with a good friend. What shall i wear? The low cut top AND the short skirt i think. ;)

Please

Intoxicate me, fill every nerve with a delicious ache.
Control me with your sex.
Take away my powers,
leave only what you cannot have, my nakedness and what it inspires you to do.

Stare into my soul, then take away my sight
Let my fingers roam your body, then restrain me.
Look at me. At your disposal.

Knelt on the bed, wrists at my spine.
Lips parted, tongue tasting the air, searching.
Arched back, breasts pushed forwards.
Are you looking at me now?
Am i as wet as i think?

Feel power as i hungrily search for you.
Offer your wet head and brush against my lips.
I moan, i groan. For you. For touches to end my tortured wait.

Punish me for the wicked thoughts i told you.
Tell me i'm a bad, bad girl.
Leave my cheek stinging where you struck me with your cock. Tenderly sooth my skin with the tip of your tongue and lull me into that false sense of security.

Push it in, push all of you in my open mouth.
Bruise my lips and pleasure yourself on me.
I can't touch you so use me, please.
Make me come at the moment you choose,
watch my cunt clench around your fingers.
Fuck me just as you want, however you want, over and over and over til my body can't take anymore.

Leave me bound and waiting,
please.

Sex Shop

I have always wanted some proper handcuffs and a blindfold. We have used ribbon, scarves and belts (once we used a bikini that came free with Marie Claire magazine) but they never quite gave the feeling i desire. That feeling of being dominated. Somehow the polka dot belt from my dressing gown doesn't quite do it.

I chose a black leather blindfold, beautifully soft and supple with matching cuffs.

'Did i want anything else?' J asked. Errmm......

I perused the selection of vibrators, reading the attached reviews. I was looking for the Cherry Nibbler mentioned by Suze. It sounded good so i enquired. The friendly woman (who offered us a cup of tea on arrival) looked very confused.

'What?!!' she said.
I then felt very uncomfortable at having mentioned the word 'Nibbler'.

She showed me other items she thought i might like but with my heart (or pussy) set on the Cherry Nibbler, i stuck with the bondage gear.
With our pink tissue wrapped purchase we headed for a bar. Aroused by our bag of goodies we drank summery drinks sat on a leather settee with bare arms and legs draped over each other. Occasionally J would stroke my thigh, lifting my skirt a little too high.

'She's nice, do you like her?' J asked as the girl who served us walked past. I did like her. I'd already looked at her breasts, slightly exposed by her vest top. 'Yes' i said looking some more. J grinned at me.
My girl on girl fantasies have only ever been about pictures i've seen or films i've watched, never about someone in the flesh. It was a little strange and unnerving.

The previous day in Topshop i had seen someone else. Below her on the steep escalator i had looked at her very short skirt quite innocently wondering how some girls dare to bare so much when i found myself looking at the piece of skin at the top of her leg and just a glimpse of buttock. The tingling between my legs and an automatic squeezing of my thighs shocked me. The shocked feeling made me realize i was being ever so slightly naughty which aroused me further. In the changing room i dipped my finger between my labia to find me warm and wet.

In a cool shop a pretty girl put J's t-shirts in a bag. No bra and a thin, white top exposed her dark, slightly erect nipples. I imagined running my tongue over them and squeezing them between my thumb and forefinger. Lovely.

J and i never did find that place i wished existed. The place where someone will come on to me and make it easy for me to get what i so badly want.
I've heard good things come to those who wait but i don't think there is any harm in trying to hurry things along.
In the meantime though, there was a pair of cuffs and a blindfold waiting to be unwrapped...........

Its the Weekend!

Off to the Big Smoke for a Bridget Jones style mini break. A bit of real life Sex in the City! xx

Love affirming

This has been an emotional week for us, especially J. He has been under so much pressure at work and i know that i haven't been helping with my recent sexual revelations. (I thought he knew, turns out he didn't).

What was needed now things are open between us again was some love affirming sex.

Early morning, J turns to cosy up to my back. This tender act after such a strange week sends a warm glow straight to my heart. And, apparently straight to J's cock, which presses against my right buttock.
An instant reaction between my legs. A sudden rush to have him inside me, to show him how i want, desire and lust after him. Despite the need to push myself onto his now very hard cock, i want eye contact.

We exchange sleepy smiles. I stroke him,pulling back his foreskin and exposing a delicious bead of pre cum. Rubbing my thumb over his silky head he sighs approval and i let him taste his salty self. I taste him too, gently flicking my tongue then greedily pushing my mouth around him. Moving back up i turn my body away looking over my shoulder with heavy lidded eyes.

I'm wet, he slides in and our simultaneous moans remind me of why we work so well. One hand on my hip, the other on my shoulder, he pulls me onto him. Again, again, harder and more fervent with every thrust. I love that feeling of being controlled and used. Powerless, he wants me and he can have all of me. He is close to coming as i begin to contract around him. Passion, lust and utter devotion blur into one as he judders into orgasm.

Sexy weekend?

We had been visiting a forum for 'beautiful couples and single girls' when something caught my eye. 2 couples were going to meet in a bar local to us. They were to 'have a few drinks and take it from there ;)'.

I wanted to see them. Who are these people who meet? What do they look like? Do they wear badges saying 'I swing both ways'. Well obviously i know they don't but because this is a world i am timidly trying to enter, i was adamant that we went too. Not to join in, just to spy.

As you can imagine we spent the entire evening eavesdropping and looking for cosy groups of 4. There were so many people; flirting, chatting, drinking, laughing; nothing to distinguish between the people casually looking for sex on a Saturday night and the 2 couples who had planned to play. I was very disappointed.

This got me thinking.

So, i want to do this, give all these thoughts a chance at becoming reality. How am i going to get started? This is what i like to imagine....

Sitting in a bar, happy, sexy girls and boys enjoying themselves.
Someone lovely making eye contact, smiling and coming to talk to me.
Maybe they will brush my hand with theirs or our legs might press against each other under the table. Then, if it felt good i could begin to make my sexual discoveries with someone keen to show me how.

Does such a place exist? Please can you tell me if it does? I'm off to London for a long weekend and thought a bit of anonymity might help me with my nerves. Sexy weekend away with J as good a time to try this as ever.