Carpet Burn

I can't seem to focus on today's activities. Activities with the kids, family BBQ, all nice things but i sort of feel like just being me, in my house, alone. There are lots of thoughts going round and round my head and i crave a little time to process them. Today as always i am wife and mother which, don't get me wrong, i want and love to be, its just difficult to be good one when i feel like this. Then i feel guilty. Prison with no walls, actually that is a bit extreme but you get the idea!

Secrets and lies, emissions of truth. Everybody has them, tells them. The older i get, the more married people i know, the complexities of it all become the norm. Secret smiles, hidden calls and confessions to the closest friends. Is that what its always been like and i was wearing rose tinted glasses? It doesn't disillusion me, i accept it. When i was a teenager, full of angst and obsession with a variety of highly unsuitable boys, i thought that when you were a grown up it became clear. Marriage, kids, happily ever after. Simple. Now i am that grown up, it is anything but simple. Perversely, that is how i like it.

Another reason i am finding it difficult to relax today is the painful carpet burn on my back, the result of last nights frantic fuck. Was it worth it? Of course.