There is a lyric that keeps repeating itself in my head.
'Some people hide their emotions, some people say too much. I'm aiming for somewhere central, now isn't it obvious?'
Is that what we should aim for? Somewhere central?
I'm currently struggling with that.
Should you be restrained, illusive, distant even? Or should you say what you feel, sometimes without having the time to arrange those thoughts carefully?
Put like that i think i would indeed prefer to be somewhere in between.
I have always been an open book, can't hide what i feel, i actually can't physically do it. Try as i might (and i do), the truth finds a way out and i am exposed. Vulnerable, unprotected.
In the moments before i open my mouth i feel such excitement and relief. Then after, when i'm reminded that not everyone is as comfortable with my words as i thought, i start to want to crawl under the nearest rock and hide till we can all pretend i never said a word.
Maybe the awkwardness comes from others. Do they feel i will want something in return? I don't, really i don't. I remember the first time i told J i loved him. I had managed to avoid spilling out those 3 little words for days but one night there was nothing i could do. He looked so awkward but what he didn't understand was that i didn't need him to say it back, i genuinely just wanted him to know that my heart was brimming.
Someone once called me a romantic and they are probably right. I said that meant some people took advantage, were more able to hurt you. He told me the important thing to learn and accept is that even if you do get hurt, it isn't you fault.
With that in mind i'm going to live this life like i mean it.
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About Me
- n
- Sometimes lost, sometimes found
I like to read.....
- Alex and Suze
- ARE YOU LOCAL???
- Bad Bad Girl
- Barbed Wire Boudoir
- Battle To Find Myself
- Dirty Thirties
- Easily Aroused
- Fexual Strustration
- Gently Gently
- Getting Wet
- Having My Cake and Eating it 2
- In my little pocket of the world
- IN YOUR PANTS
- La Fille Mariee
- Monmouth
- Prada Pixie
- Random Kahless
- Sexegesis
- Smart Girls Who Do It
- The Erotic Journal Of Juno Henry
- The Green Eyed Nymphomaniac and Other Women
- The Man, His Life and His Secrets
- The Naked Truth
7 comments:
N, I hide my emotions. When I'm under stress (good or bad), I withdraw emotionally, and don't want to be touched - I just want to retreat into my shell. I've gradually learnt to express them to a few people - then at least they know why I've retreated:) As a result, I'm drawn to people who actually do freely express how they feel - but I still identify more with the ones who bottle it all up.
So I'm the total opposite of z I tell it how it is, i don't play word games. Yes there are times I wish the earth would swalow me up. But generally I'm ok being me, with my mouth being followed by my brain.
Px
I used to bottle things up but I found that it has to come out in one way or another and bottling up my feelings made me ill. I was on the verge of a nervous break down lost my job, the will to live and it took months to recover from that. Now I am perhaps too open, like you I sometimes wish I hadn't said so much but then I think well ok thats how im feeling and other people can walk away from how im feeling but I cant. I find it helps to write my feelings down, I have been doing that for years long before I began blogging. It doesn't matter to me if no one ever reads it, its the setting down in words that helps it helps me to formulate my feelings in my own mind. If others comment then that also helps because I get confirmation that I am not the only one who has these feelings and sometimes advice on how to deal with it.
All of us, at one time or another, have hidden something. It's only human...it's one way we protect ourselves. But I do, indeed, live quite openly, emotionally and I'm happy with my individualism. We all have our moments...the trick is to keep one foot in front of the other, moving forward, arms wide open. That's who I am. You seem to be the same way...that's probably what makes you so attractive and appealing, my dear. Thanks...:)
The only advice I can give is that you should be true to yourself.
You can only be truely happy with honesty and openess and if other can't handle that then it is their problem.
I'm always open and honest both in life and on the site.
You are who you are and we love you for it. :)
I am like z, she described me well! Its not game playing, just not knowing how to express feelings or maybe too frightened to. Just another end of the spectrum.
You dont have to aim for central. I think its good for each of us to know our range then go for the place where YOU want to be.
I like it that you said 'i'm going to live this life like i mean it.'
I bottle it all up until it bursts, not so much because I just want to hide, but because I continually get hurt by those who seem to care about me but really don't.
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