Not Lost

We talked about it. Why what i have written has caused him to be quiet with me. He says i shock him a bit but that my words turn him on. I'm restless, always have been but i guess for the period in my life when i had babies it was difficult to be anything but a mother.
Not to say that any woman becoming a mother doesn't have difficulties but i found it tough and lost myself in those early years. The fact that i am more me now than i've been for years shouldn't make him worry.
I'm back! That's all and i'm excited, eager to explore. I've remembered how it feels to be n, and yes, men look at me again and yes, i like it! I am finally quite comfortable with asking for what i want and not being ashamed of that. Struggling with depression for all this time, well i just want to grab him by the hand and say 'come with me, lets do it!' Even i'm not exactly sure what but i think that could be half the adventure.
He is my lover, best friend and part of me. He made me cry with some of the things he said. I don't think he meant to hurt me. I love him and i hope he can still see the n he thinks he's lost.